And I...
UnrestrainedAnd I’m here
Although half of me didn’t want to be here
But its Minseok hyung’s birthday party after all
A birthday surprise party
We’re on a small convenient cafe
A comfortable place I think
The smell of wooden furniture combined with scent of coffee and cream
And there he is talking anxiously with his old friends on the middle table
If I’m not mistaken they’re names are Chen, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun
And I never thought they’re his friends because I’ve often saw them on TV’s
They’re reminiscing old times and updating their lives with each other
Talking, laughing, enjoying the moments
“Thanks for coming”
Suddenly Wufan sits beside me
We’re on the counter
And I’m enjoying a cup of Irish coffee
It sends warmth to my body but not my own heart
“Same here, thanks for inviting”
I replied to him after sipping my drink
Wufan then stares at Minseok again
Longingly
“So, when will you tell him?”
I asked curiously while moving the cup playfully, watching the swirl on a sea of dark chocolate color
“Soon, although looks like Luhan already a step ahead of me”
His voice tone turns bitter
And my mind frozen too when he say that name
Both of us look at Luhan who’s sitting beside Minseok hyung, being pulled by the birthday guy to know his old friends more
He tries to listen to their conversation attentively
Sometimes he laughs
Sometimes he smiles
Sometimes he looks confused
But what caught my attention that Minseok hyung sometimes looks awkward when Luhan caught him stealing glances at him
And a faint red shows up at Luhan’s cheek
Luckily the others didn’t realize it
And unluckily for me
I remember the fight between me and Luhan days before
It’s my fault that I snapped at him
The overgrown jealousy when I found a covered canvas that’s a portrait of hyung
And added with Luhan’s gentle smile at it
Make’s me couldn’t hold my words at the next conversation when he asked me about the next order
“The hell with it!”
I snapped and walks out of the studio
Leaving him
If I can I want to leave him
If I even have the power to do it
And I haven’t tell him I’m sorry
Because of that our meeting earlier when all of the surprise crews gathered, was kind of awkward
I could tell that he looks at me with concern
But I didn’t have the courage to say it
Pathetic
Blaming the person that I didn’t have the courage to even tell my feelings to
And what hurt the most was that he shows he care
Different from the previous him that’s cold and didn’t care other person feeling at all
Maybe it will be better if it’s the old him
Maybe I won’t be like this
And we’ll just moving on with our job
But time keeps forward
And I’m walking backward
“Good luck”
I patted Wufan’s back
“Time for the final event”
Said Wufan and pulls my sleeves with his free hand while the other ones holding his cup of tea
I stand up from my stool and follow him
To the center
“Let’s have a toast”
He said while holding his cup higher
All of them smiles and stands up
Holds their own cups
For a grown man part
We didn’t hold glasses of beer or champagnes
We hold cups of tea and coffee with different tastes depends on each of ourselves preferences
“For our friend Minseok who’s getting older”
And Minseok slaps Wufan’s back with a smile
And laughter can be heard on the place
We hold our cups higher and closer with each other
“For Minseok!”
We said in unison
And drinks our drink carefully because it’s still warm
Such a funny but calming situation
I enjoyed the moment that I didn’t even realize Luhan is beside me
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